Pretty Little Lies

Yeah I’m me. :-). And I love it.

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:47:38 -0400

Yeah I’m me. :-). And I love it.

:-)

Tue, 07 May 2013 02:12:14 -0400

:-)

No one knows the real me…

Tue, 07 May 2013 02:10:59 -0400

No one knows the real me…

I burnt this into me. :) I like it. Needs touching up though.

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 06:27:47 -0500

I burnt this into me. :) I like it. Needs touching up though.

get to know the blog you follow.

Sun, 25 Nov 2012 22:53:43 -0500

send me a message with ONE QUESTION you’ve always wanted to know about me and I will answer it.

Mmmm. I haven’t posted in too long. Love this.

Unknown....

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 14:00:51 -0400

In a world, such as this one. Is nothing to be happy about. Well, at least that is my opinion. None of this makes sense to anyone but I. To me, this life I am living is a lie. The world I am in slowly kills me as I get closer to the break. My hands shake, unable to write down how I am feeling. But somehow I manage to succeed. It isn’t eligable. But at least the words that threaten my life are out of me now. I write and write and write some more. It all needs to ggo and stop threatening my very existence. I’m sick of it. The black, cold and lonely thing that is sucking the life from me. Sometimes I think it was born in to me. It is what gave me strength when I was weak as a little premature baby. The cold thing kept me a live but now is threatening me. I want it gone. But will it hurt me if I try to let it go? Only time can tell. Then again only time can heal me of this overwelming thing. I feel like a belong in a totally different world. then what I am in.

fuckyeahtattoos: Tattoo #2. Favorite quote from my favorite...

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 00:49:30 -0400

fuckyeahtattoos:

Tattoo #2. Favorite quote from my favorite book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Done at Defiance Tattoos in Kent, OH.

I am totally getting this tattoo.

Photo

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 23:49:51 -0400

From my soul.

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 23:49:09 -0400

I know I’m digging myself deeper in a hole. But I always fuck up some how. He is gonna get fed up with me and kick me to the curb. I know it. It always happens. Thanks daddy for fucking up my life…. by me watching you as I grew up I’ve learned not to trust people, hurt the people I love the most, and destroy myself little by little. And worst of all. I’m scared I’m gonna die alone just like you did. Why would you want that for me daddy? Why? I thought you really loved me daddy. I truly thought so, since the very first time you held my tiny fragile body in the palm of your hands. You looked at me with your blue eyes daddy….and I looked back with mine. I begged with those eyes daddy. That you would love me and raise me right. And I pleaded for you to watch me grow up daddy. But all you gave me was a dark path to go down daddy. It’s lonely and cold too daddy. Why?

Why me?

Wed, 30 May 2012 22:00:52 -0400

My soon to be husband is going into the air force. I can’t stop balling. I’m just really scared, and I don’t know what to think or how to feel. If I miss him now imagine how I’m gonna feel when he is gone? I love him so much. I can’t imagine what I would do without him. I want him to stay. I can’t let him go. I’m so scared.

My first tattoo. It means a lot to me. It’s matching with...

Sat, 19 May 2012 14:45:59 -0400

My first tattoo. It means a lot to me. It’s matching with my best friend. Mine says best and hers says friends. It’s close to me because she close to me.

Photo

Mon, 14 May 2012 21:58:45 -0400

There comes a time.

Thu, 10 May 2012 01:17:33 -0400

I believe the title above will go well with as book I am looking into writing. So far I haven’t even put a dent into t e epilogue yet. But as most people know I suffer from dislexia, ADHD, and sometimes writers block. I never finish what I start except my poetry. Well I would give you a idea what the story is about but I don’t quite know where I am going with it yet. I’ll bring you up to speed later. I love you all.

I’m a cat lover!

Thu, 10 May 2012 01:16:01 -0400

I’m a cat lover!

that’s how I feel everytime…..

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 10:18:49 -0400

that’s how I feel everytime…..

Photo

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 08:58:37 -0400

Hard to Concentrate

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 21:28:50 -0500

Well, I don’t know wether it is because of the full moon tonight or what. All I know is that today has sucked really bad. Just when I thought is was all going to hell, Justin texts me and tell me how much he loves me and that he thinks about me all the time. In that instint a smile wiped away all the bad. All it takes is him. His words, his smile, his hugs, his warmth and presence. HIs pure and selfless love. Nothing in the whole damn cruel world could make me happy except all those things I said about Justin. Nothing. The only things that can has to come from Justin. I just physically and mentally can’t unless Justin is there. He truely makes me happy. I hope he knows that too. I am so head over heels in love it isn’t even funny at all. I never thought I would get back to this piont after Aaron. This was the last thing I thought would happen to me. I thought I was NEVER going to feel what I felt with Aaron with someone else. But sure enough the one I have been longing for shows up and saves the day. Once again I thank GOd everyday that I have him, and that he is safe and sound. I ask God to watch over him and make sure he has a wonderful day every morning. I HAVE to. God is the in my life and I have no problem saying it. Because He gave me Justin, and I thank him every moment I can for it. My mind may go off into distant space and thing horrible things but if I just trust in myself and Justin and deep down in my heart……I can believe in Justin, and myself. That’s what love is all about.

I miss her....

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:49:48 -0500

I miss my mom. I miss her hugs, her kissing me on the cheek. It isn’t easy letting go. She doesn’t bother stopping by to see me. I haven’t laid eyes on her since I left. She doesn’t call or text me back. Why can’t things just be different for the better instead of the worst. I HATE THIS! I hate it more than anything in the whole damn world! MY heart is so broken, she doesn’t seem to care at all. She doesn’t care that I have given myself to God, she doesn’t care that I am doing better in school, or that I am going to church and doing things better. That I am actually finishing books that I start, that I am getting my freedom wherever I need it. I am getting married for God sake I am learning more about myself now more than ever before. I haven’t had a breakdown or a panic attack in months. But I still cry….I cry hard. Me and Justin cry together. It makes me feel like I am not alone. When he shares an emotion like that, I feel like I could cry and cry and cry and he would hold me through it all. All I want is for her to be happy. But she keeps saying I broke her heart….she broke mine first. YOu would think after finding my own father dead it would bring us closer. But it didn’t, if aanything it threw us apart. And her marrying Ricky shortly after, doesn’t help a damn bit. I know I shouldn’t curse but my feelings are coming out so strong right now that I don’t know how to control any of it. I feel like I need a cigerette. I sound just like my father. But I really bad right now. She doesn’t even pay any attention to me. I miss her. I miss the way she said she loved me. Even though it was a doubtful tone. I loved the way she called me her daughter, and that she would not let anyone hurt me. But she hurt me. Why? why did she have to hit me? I just wanna know. After the thousandth time laying her hands on me…did she think that it would make me listen this time? Of course it wouldn’t maybe kind words, and an encouraging attitude would be a better approach. Yes, I am just like my Daddy, but that doesn’t give any right to hate the way I am. I can’t help it. I swear I loved her, and I still do! I COULDN’T RISK MY OWN LIFE ANYMORE! I’m not afraid anymore. Justin made me promise not to go back, and I plan on keeping it. FOr his peace of mind. I will NOT go back. I miss her though. I really do. Who wouldn’t miss the person that gave birth to them? Someone not human I guess.

Well...

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:07:11 -0400

Today didn’t go as expected at all….I can’t believe she would say the things she said to me. I want to just crawl in a corner and die. Well, maybe not any more. But I did. Of course, Justin came to the rescue as always. When doesnt he? I meant for real. He never misses a beat when it comes to pleasing me. He doesn’t even have to think about it. He just does it. It’s just remarkable how it does it. I wanna kinda know his secret. :D I want to know a lot of things. But I guess he just does it out of his heart.

Will I get that?

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 23:22:34 -0400

Will I get that look of “I love you and that’s why I just said I do to you” look from Justin for that picture right after the preacher pronouced us man and wife? Will he give me that look with his eyes? Will I get that look of “oh my goodness I am a daddy!” when I tell him I am pregnant in the future. Will I get Justin’s ear and hand pressed against my tummy listening to our wonderful creation that we made together? Will I get that? Will I get tear drop from the man I love when he holds his baby in his arms and looks at me and tells me that he or she is beautiful? Will I get those nights where he wraps both arms around me to make me fill safe? Will I? Please tell me I will. I pray to God I get that. In a year of being married will I get to dance with him in our living room to our song while he smiles at me and whispers “I love you so much” in my ear? These are the things I think about. My future. My life when I am grown and my parents aren’t in my way. I want it so bad I can taste it. I love Justin more than he knows, and all I want is to spend the rest of my life in his embrace. Feeling safe and having a family of my own. I want to be stuck at home taking care of the kids with Justin playing with them. I want a couple of years of just me and Justin having fun and living our new life together. Saying I love you so much and making sweet passionate love to one another. I crave that so bad. Being a child sucks to me. I rather take on a life of my own. Justin being right beside me helping me through it all, and supporting me. Will I get that? Will I? I havn’t wrote a blog post in a while. But I just thought I should ask that serious question. Will I get that?